Wasteland Rant

Granted, we only get basic - and I mean basic - cable TV, but once in a while I like to settle in and waste some time being caught up in some vapid program. I have a favorite show or two, but the writers will need to settle up and write before these programs resume charming me.

So tonight I took a chance and flipped the dial (Actually, punched the remote repeatedly. There are no dials. As in "dial up the milk man on the phone, will you?") until something caught my attention.

In trying to find escape, I found out something about myself. Turns out, I'm a prude. Turns out I ditched a show because of its ethics and moral turpitude. It is one of those "reality" shows. I had already skimmed past something about teams of dancers having to compete and lose team members one by one. I had also opted out of "Deal or No Deal", the show where, as I understand it, the skill set that wins prizes for you involves guessing which of 24 briefcases held by gorgeous models - whose skill sets involve being gorgeous and being able to hold a briefcase and operate its clasp - contain cash values that are relatively low - and somehow avoiding revealing the highest numbers until the end. They mix in some shadowy God-like character on the other end of a very special telephone coaxing you out of the game with cash offers, but I'm pretty sure that you're pretty much in there with Lady Luck unless you possess the skill set of X-Ray vision and can see through those briefcases.

Anyway, the careful reader may discern that "Deal or No Deal" is no deal for me. So I moved on, and here is the show that made me realize that, at least on some level, I am a prude.

I stopped at another one of these "reality" shows long enough to figure out what the rules of the game were. They were this: Young, mid-twenties males and females mingle in some wonderful vacation setting. They meet each other, sort of like what used to be called a "mixer", and after a few days of learning astronomical signs and other vital information, the females, one by one, select a male with whom they wish to share a hotel room for the next week or so. Ostensibly to watch TV (probably more channels than I receive) or read the network-provided Gideon. (I'm kidding!)

If more than one girl selects the same guy, the guy has to pick just one of the girls to be his room mate. Score one for the prudes! The show is promoting good, old fashioned monogamy!

But here's the fly in the ointment - there is one more female than males. This means the odd-female-out gets a room to herself, in which she must brood and plot. Her goal, as explained by the lovely hostess, is to wreck at least one of the newly formed pairings, horn in on and beguile the guy, and become the new room mate.

So first we have couplings out of nothing within a matter of days. But this is too old-fashioned; we need to turn one of the females into a home (or, more properly, hotel room) wrecker!

I have no idea where this ultimately leads, but I am guessing not to silver anniversaries. Further, I am not sure what skill sets this particular show supports.

I moved on - to a sitcom that had a few laughs, but whose main plot involved a woman lamenting that her boudoir skill set was lacking.

That was about it. Again, this is basic - basic - cable, so I am sure there is quality programming out there in the nether reaches of the cable world, and shame on me for not plying Time and/or Warner with more dollars so I can access it. But at least it got me to turn inward and discover a little more about myself.